Do We Listen to Learn or Listen to Counter?

Do We Listen to Learn or Listen to Counter?

 Are we, as humans, more like sponges, soaking up information like a freshly squeezed dishcloth? Or are we more like spiky cacti, waiting for the perfect opportunity to shoot back with a witty retort or a well-rehearsed counterargument?

Let’s be honest, a bit of both exists within us. We’re curious creatures, hardwired to gather knowledge and expand our understanding of the world. But we’re also defensive beings, with egos that crave validation and a need to feel “right.”

So, when someone launches into a monologue, what’s our first instinct? Do we listen to learn or listen to counter?

It’s tempting to say the latter. We’ve all been there, stuck in a conversation where our brain goes back and forth with “but,” “actually,” and “on the other hand.” We’re itching to interject, to one-up, to prove our intellectual prowess. But hold on, before you unleash your quillionaire of retorts, consider this:

• Listening builds bridges, countering builds walls. When we truly listen, we connect with the speaker, creating empathy and understanding. Countering, however, pushes us further apart, turning the conversation into a battleground of opposing viewpoints.

• Listening makes you a better learner. By silencing our inner critic and focusing on what’s being said, we open ourselves to new perspectives and knowledge. Countering just reinforces our existing biases, keeping us stuck in our own echo chamber.

• Listening is disarming. It shows the speaker that we value their thoughts and feelings, even if we disagree. This can lead to more productive conversations, where both parties are open to exploring different sides of an issue.

Of course, there’s a time and place for a well-placed counterargument. But before you launch into such arguments ask yourself:

• Have I truly listened? Did I give the speaker space to express themselves fully, or was I just waiting for my turn to talk?
• Is my counterargument necessary or just ego-driven? Am I adding value to the conversation, or simply trying to prove I’m smarter?
• Could there be another way? Can I rephrase my counterpoint as a question, fostering curiosity instead of conflict?

Remember, the goal isn’t to win a verbal sparring match. It’s to engage in a meaningful exchange, where both sides walk away with a broader understanding, maybe even a new friendship. So next time someone starts talking, take a deep breath, and lean in with the open mind of a sponge. You might be surprised at what you learn.

Happy listening!